(Philippians 4:1–3)
If there’s one thing we all know by now, it’s that disagreements are a part of life. We have them at work, in our families, even in our marriages. But when disagreements creep into the church, the place that’s supposed to be our refuge and family of faith, the pain cuts even deeper. Disagreements in the world are hard enough to handle, but when battles enter the church, it can feel devastating.
In Philippians 4:1–3, Paul writes:
“Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends! I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.”
Even the early church—so close to the time of Jesus—had conflicts. Here we see two women, Euodia and Syntyche, who loved the Lord, who worked alongside Paul in the mission of the gospel, yet had fallen into disagreement. We don’t know the details of their quarrel, but we know it was serious enough for Paul to call them out in his letter and plead with them to agree in the Lord.
That phrase is powerful: agree in the Lord. Paul isn’t saying, “You must agree on every detail.” He’s saying, “Remember what unites you. Stand firm together in Jesus.”
We Don’t Have to Agree to Be Unified
One of the greatest misunderstandings in the church today is the idea that unity requires uniformity. But biblical unity isn’t about everyone thinking or acting the same way. It’s about being anchored in the same gospel and walking in love toward one another even when we disagree.
I’ll give you a personal example. I have friends who believe women should not wear pants at all. I don’t agree with that. We both can point to Scripture, our upbringing, and how we’ve been taught to defend our positions. For them, it’s a matter of modesty and obedience as they understand it. For me, modesty looks different. Here’s the beautiful thing: neither of us believes clothing saves us. Our salvation is through faith in the finished work of Jesus on the cross (Ephesians 2:8–9).
So while we don’t agree on what modesty looks like in practice, we agree that salvation is by grace through faith in Christ. And because of that, we remain close friends. We don’t let a secondary matter divide us, because we are united in the truth of the gospel.
Romans 14:1–4 speaks directly to this:
“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.”
Paul reminds us that there are disputable matters—things that aren’t central to salvation. On those issues, we may have personal convictions, but we should not allow them to cause division.
When Church Hurt Feels Personal
Now let’s be honest. It’s one thing to disagree on something like clothing or music styles. But when conflict involves leadership or cuts at the heart of trust, the wounds go much deeper. That’s when people often say they’ve experienced “church hurt.”
I’ve been there. A church leader I deeply respected once lied to me in order to keep me in a role. He needed me in that season. But when someone else could replace me, the truth came out. I wasn’t angry that I wasn’t getting what I had been promised. I was hurt that he hadn’t been honest with me from the start.
The pain was real. I left that church and, for a season, I stayed away from any church. I needed space to heal. But here’s what I eventually realized: the church didn’t hurt me. People did. And people are fallible. People sin. People disappoint us.
The enemy loves to take those moments and whisper lies: “You can’t trust the church. You’re better off alone. Don’t risk being hurt again.” But isolation is not God’s plan for His people. Hebrews 10:24–25 urges us:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
It took time, but today I can walk back into that same church, see the same people, and love them without bitterness. Why? Because God healed my heart, and because I remembered that our unity isn’t about perfect leaders or perfect people—it’s about standing firm together in Christ.
The Line We Cannot Cross
Now, let me be clear. There are times when disagreement isn’t about personal conviction but about core truth. When the gospel itself is distorted, unity cannot come at the expense of truth. Paul warned in Galatians 1:8:
“But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!”
There is only one gospel: salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, His death, burial, and resurrection. Any teaching that adds to or takes away from that is not just a “difference of opinion”—it’s heresy. And in those cases, we are called to stand firm in truth, even if it means division.
But when the disagreement is about secondary matters—worship styles, clothing choices, music preferences, teaching methods—we can extend grace, forgive quickly, and remember what Paul pleaded with Euodia and Syntyche: agree in the Lord.
How Do We Live This Out?
- Seek God’s wisdom first. James 1:5 tells us if we lack wisdom, we should ask God, who gives generously. Before reacting in conflict, pause and pray.
- Choose love over offense. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
- Hold tight to the essentials. Know the difference between core doctrines and personal convictions. The essentials—like salvation through Christ—are non-negotiable. The rest, we hold with open hands.
- Be willing to reconcile. Sometimes that means apologizing first. Sometimes it means simply refusing to let bitterness grow. Paul urged the church to help Euodia and Syntyche reconcile. Sometimes we need help too.
- Stand firm together. The world is watching how the church handles disagreements. Jesus prayed in John 17 that His followers would be one so that the world would believe the Father had sent Him. Our unity is part of our witness.
Reflection
Unity in the body of Christ isn’t about all of us looking, acting, or thinking exactly the same. It’s about remembering who our Savior is and standing firm in Him together. It’s about choosing love even when we’re hurt. It’s about letting go of offenses that don’t touch the gospel itself. And it’s about clinging tightly to the truth when it is under attack.
The enemy wants us divided, because a divided church is a weak church. But when we walk in unity—loving one another, forgiving one another, standing firm on the truth of Jesus—we shine as a light to a world desperately in need of hope.
Prayer
Lord Jesus, thank You for making us one body through Your death and resurrection. Help us to agree in You, even when we disagree on other things. Teach us to love one another deeply, to forgive quickly, and to hold fast to the truth of Your Word. Heal the places in us that have been wounded by church hurt, and give us the courage to keep walking in fellowship with Your people. Protect our hearts from bitterness, and help us to be a witness of unity to a divided world. In Your precious name we pray, Amen.
Pastor Tricia's Ramblings 
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