Pastor Tricia's Ramblings

Yesterday, we looked at Paul’s teaching on husbands and wives in Colossians 3:18–19. Paul raised the standard for marriage, calling wives to honor their husbands and husbands to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. But he doesn’t stop there. Because family is the foundation of the community and the church, Paul moves straight into the next vital relationship: children and parents.

Let’s be honest—family life can be messy. Parenting is hard. Being a child—whether you’re 8, 18, or 48—comes with its own challenges. Yet Paul roots these relationships in Christ, giving us a vision of the home that reflects the heart of God.

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”—Colossians 3:20–21

Obedience as Worship

Paul starts with children. Notice what he does not say. He doesn’t say:

• Obey your parents because they’re always right.
• Obey your parents because they deserve it.
• Obey your parents because they’ve earned your respect.

Instead, he roots obedience in something much deeper: “for this pleases the Lord.”

That’s a huge shift. Children are called to obey not simply out of respect for mom and dad but as an act of worship to God. When a child listens, responds, and submits to the guidance of their parents, they are declaring that God’s order matters in their lives. Their obedience is part of their relationship with Him.

And let’s face it: obedience is never easy. Kids want independence. Teens want to figure out life on their own. Even as adults, many of us wrestle with respecting or honoring our parents, especially when we believe we “know better.” But Paul reminds us that obedience is not about whether parents get it perfect—it’s about honoring God.

No Age Limit

Sometimes we treat this verse like it only applies to little ones still living at home. But Scripture doesn’t put an age limit on honoring our parents. Paul’s words echo the Ten Commandments:

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”—Ephesians 6:2–3

That promise wasn’t given only to children under 18. Honoring our parents is a lifelong calling. I’ve seen adults struggle to care for aging parents with patience. I’ve watched friends wrestle with forgiving parents who failed them. Honoring doesn’t mean pretending wounds don’t exist, but it does mean choosing respect, forgiveness, and dignity because that pleases God.

There’s also a blessing attached: “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life.” Parents often joke, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” but God’s promise is serious—obedience leads to flourishing. Children who learn respect at home are learning discipline for life. They’re being trained to honor authority, listen well, and ultimately submit to God Himself.

Obedience shapes character. It cultivates humility. It teaches us that life is not all about “me.” And most importantly, Paul says it pleases the Lord.

The Warning to Parents

But Paul doesn’t stop with children. Immediately, he addresses parents—specifically fathers.

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

Why? Because Paul knows how easy it is for authority to be abused. Just as he warned husbands not to be harsh with their wives, he now cautions fathers not to be harsh with their children. Children are called to obey, but parents are called to nurture. Authority in the home is never meant to crush; it is meant to guide, protect, and build up.

Paul’s word choice is striking: “do not embitter.” Parenting that is heavy-handed, overly critical, or inconsistent leaves children discouraged, resentful, and wounded. Let’s be practical—what does this look like in today’s world?

• Constant criticism. If all a child hears is what they’ve done wrong, without words of encouragement, their spirit wilts.
• Unreasonable expectations. Demanding perfection in school, sports, or behavior without recognizing effort teaches a child that they will never measure up.
• Comparisons. Measuring a child against siblings, classmates, or even how you “were at their age” breeds resentment rather than growth.
• Withholding love. Making affection conditional on performance trains a child to believe they must earn what God freely gives.
• Inconsistency. Swinging between indulgence and harshness creates instability and confusion.

Paul’s warning is clear: heavy-handed parenting doesn’t disciple, it discourages.

Parenting Like the Father

So what does godly parenting look like? Paul’s answer is implied: parenting that reflects the heart of our Heavenly Father.

Hebrews 12 reminds us:

“The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” —Hebrews 12:6

God’s discipline is never about breaking us down—it’s about building us up. His correction always flows from love. That’s the model parents are called to follow: patient correction, consistent boundaries, and encouragement that points children toward Christ.

Children don’t need perfect parents. What they need are parents who model humility, apologize when they’re wrong, and point them to the Father who never fails.

A Christ-Shaped Home

Taken together, Colossians 3 paints a beautiful picture of a home shaped by Christ:

• Wives respecting their husbands.
• Husbands loving their wives with sacrificial tenderness.
• Children obeying their parents as an act of worship.
• Parents guiding their children with love instead of harshness.

This isn’t just about order in the home. It’s about reflecting the gospel. A Christ-centered family becomes a testimony to the world that God’s design works—and it leads to flourishing.

When I look back on my own parenting journey, I can see moments where I failed—where frustration led me to raise my voice or set expectations that were more about me than about my kids. But I also see God’s grace. The moments of apology, of prayer, of laughter around the dinner table, of reminding my children, “You are loved no matter what.” Those are the moments that reflected God’s heart.

And maybe that’s the point Paul is making: family life is discipleship. Children learn obedience, parents learn patience, and all of us learn how to walk in the love of Christ together.